“What color is in a picture, enthusiasm is in life.” ― Vincent van Gogh

Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Adventures of TJ Maxx

As many people know by now, I am a sullen TJ Maxx employee. But the thing is- I actually kind of love my job.  Despite the fact that half of the people I work with are either mentally unstable, ghetto, or just straight-up scary, I kind of have fun while I'm working. Why? Because it's very much like being in a terrible, horrible, awful sitcom that plays on ABC Family on week mornings.
First, there's Lisa. "Crazy Lisa" as she's known in the building.  (*there are 3 Lisas that work at TJ Maxx, so in order to differentiate between the 3, this Lisa is referred to as the crazy one...and for good reason.) Crazy Lisa has had many things happen to her in her private life. I've heard that her husband killed himself but she tells everyone that he died of a heartattack.  So, long story short, she's nuts now.  She loves to sing about her left brain very loudly while cleaning up the fitting room, and draws creepy doodles and poems on scraps of paper. This was my face when I saw them for the first time:

They were something like "owl- claws to grip-HATRED", or "Octopussy- magic ink to SPRAY ALL OVER EVERYONE".  To be honest, I really couldn't read what she wrote. Her handwriting's terrible, but I KNOW it said something like that.  Usually, she slashes her doodles away before anyone can see them.  But she forgot that one particular day.  And I was the one who had to suffer through reading them.  I feel bad for crazy Lisa. I really do.  But she really fucking scares me with her huge butcher knife that she uses to cut her apples in the break room.  Not going to lie.

Now, for the ghetto part.  The majority of the rest of them are so ghetto, that they're pretty hilarious.  True story:

"Dis gurl @ da cell black da utter naight called meh sasquatch, an eye wuz lyke GURL WHO U CALLIN SASQUATCH|??? IMA FUCK. YOU. UP. TRY MEH!"

and all I could do, was laugh under my breath and say "wow! That's so cool!" *insert nervous laughter here*.

And the rest are my friends.

1 comment:

  1. You should write a book about all the stuff that happens there. Like the creepy statues, the cars that honk and so on.

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